A righteous man is cautious in friendship, but the way of the wicked leads them astray. –Proverbs 12:26
When you are careful in how you choose your closest friends, you will save yourself a lot of hurt and even mistakes. You will also discover that the best friends are more like family. This is what David discovered with his friend Jonathan. Their friendship shows you what kind of character you should be looking for in your godly friendships.
Here are a few things to know about David before he becomes friends with Jonathan…
* He has been anointed the next king
* He comes and goes from the palace to play his harp for King Saul
* He has just defeated Goliath
1 Samuel 18:1-4
After David had finished talking with Saul, Jonathan became one in spirit with David, and he loved him as himself. From that day Saul kept David with him and did not let him return home to his family. And Jonathan made a covenant with David because he loved him as himself. Jonathan took off the robe he was wearing and gave it to David, along with his tunic, and even his sword, his bow and his belt.
As David was talking with King Saul about his actions and faith in God to defeat Goliath, Jonathan was listening. Jonathan heard all he needed to choose David as a friend. Then he displayed the first characteristic of a true godly friendship: Commitment.
His covenant with David and the giving up of his personal belongings displayed to anyone there that he was committed to this friendship with David. What is so amazing about this commitment is that whether or not he knew David would be king his actions showed that he acknowledged that God was with David and he would give up his place for what God wanted. No matter what was going to happen Jonathan chose to love David instead of resent him. He chose to be a friend not an enemy. He did this because God was first in his life. And David reciprocated and put in the same commitment into the friendship.
Only a person who puts God first in their life can make the commitment to be the true friend worthy of being in your inner circle. But you must also be this kind of committed friend. When both of you put God first then you will both put into the friendship what each other needs to have life long friendship.
After making this commitment to friendship. We encounter David and Jonathan’s friendship four more times in scripture. Each time we learn more about their character that strengthened their friendship.
1 Samuel 19:1-6
Saul told his son Jonathan and all the attendants to kill David. But Jonathan had taken a great liking to David and warned him, “My father Saul is looking for a chance to kill you. Be on your guard tomorrow morning; go into hiding and stay there. I will go out and stand with my father in the field where you are. I’ll speak to him about you and will tell you what I find out.” Jonathan spoke well of David to Saul his father and said to him, “Let not the king do wrong to his servant David; he has not wronged you, and what he has done has benefited you greatly. He took his life in his hands when he killed the Philistine. The LORD won a great victory for all Israel, and you saw it and were glad. Why then would you do wrong to an innocent man like David by killing him for no reason?” Saul listened to Jonathan and took this oath: “As surely as the LORD lives, David will not be put to death.”
Characteristics of friendship
* Loyalty and Truthfulness – Jonathan was loyal to David so he did not with hold the truth from him. He told David of his father’s plans.
* Defends – Jonathan defended David before his father. In that defense he spoke the truth about David and what the Lord had done.
1 Samuel 20:1-23, 42
Then David fled from Naioth at Ramah and went to Jonathan and asked, “What have I done? What is my crime? How have I wronged your father, that he is trying to kill me?” “Never!” Jonathan replied. “You are not going to die! Look, my father doesn’t do anything, great or small, without letting me know. Why would he hide this from me? It isn’t so!” But David took an oath and said, “Your father knows very well that I have found favor in your eyes, and he has said to himself, ‘Jonathan must not know this or he will be grieved.’ Yet as surely as the LORD lives and as you live, there is only a step between me and death.” Jonathan said to David, “Whatever you want me to do, I’ll do for you.” So David said, “Look, tomorrow is the New Moon feast, and I am supposed to dine with the king; but let me go and hide in the field until the evening of the day after tomorrow. If your father misses me at all, tell him, ‘David earnestly asked my permission to hurry to Bethlehem, his hometown, because an annual sacrifice is being made there for his whole clan.’ If he says, ‘Very well,’ then your servant is safe. But if he loses his temper, you can be sure that he is determined to harm me. As for you, show kindness to your servant, for you have brought him into a covenant with you before the LORD. If I am guilty, then kill me yourself! Why hand me over to your father?” “Never!” Jonathan said. “If I had the least inkling that my father was determined to harm you, wouldn’t I tell you?” David asked, “Who will tell me if your father answers you harshly?” “Come,” Jonathan said, “let’s go out into the field.” So they went there together. Then Jonathan said to David, “I swear by the LORD, the God of Israel, that I will surely sound out my father by this time the day after tomorrow! If he is favorably disposed toward you, will I not send you word and let you know? But if my father intends to harm you, may the LORD deal with Jonathan, be it ever so severely, if I do not let you know and send you away in peace. May the LORD be with you as he has been with my father. But show me unfailing kindness like the LORD’s kindness as long as I live, so that I may not be killed, and do not ever cut off your kindness from my family—not even when the LORD has cut off every one of David’s enemies from the face of the earth.” So Jonathan made a covenant with the house of David, saying, “May the LORD call David’s enemies to account.” And Jonathan had David reaffirm his oath out of love for him, because he loved him as he loved himself. Then Jonathan said to David, “Tomorrow is the New Moon feast. You will be missed, because your seat will be empty. The day after tomorrow, toward evening, go to the place where you hid when this trouble began, and wait by the stone Ezel. I will shoot three arrows to the side of it, as though I were shooting at a target. Then I will send a boy and say, ‘Go, find the arrows.’ If I say to him, ‘Look, the arrows are on this side of you; bring them here,’ then come, because, as surely as the LORD lives, you are safe; there is no danger. But if I say to the boy, ‘Look, the arrows are beyond you,’ then you must go, because the LORD has sent you away. And about the matter you and I discussed—remember, the LORD is witness between you and me forever”…Jonathan said to David, “Go in peace, for we have sworn friendship with each other in the name of the LORD, saying, ‘The LORD is witness between you and me, and between your descendants and my descendants forever.’ ” Then David left, and Jonathan went back to the town.
Characteristics of friendship
* Communication and Honesty – When David’s life is threatened again by King Saul, David and Jonathan talk. David doesn’t accuse Jonathan of not telling him, he asks him about why King Saul trying to kill him. Jonathan is honest about what he knew but also what he would have done if he had known.
* Selflessness and sacrifice – Jonathan was willing to risk everything to find out the truth and keep David safe. In verse 24-40, Jonathan experiences his father’s anger and still selflessly warns David as he had promised.
1 Samuel 23:15-18
While David was at Horesh in the Desert of Ziph, he learned that Saul had come out to take his life. And Saul’s son Jonathan went to David at Horesh and helped him find strength in God. “Don’t be afraid,” he said. “My father Saul will not lay a hand on you. You will be king over Israel, and I will be second to you. Even my father Saul knows this.” The two of them made a covenant before the LORD. Then Jonathan went home, but David remained at Horesh.
Characteristic of Friendship
* Encouragement – In one of the hardest times of David’s life Jonathan encouraged him in the Lord and the truth they both knew.
2 Samuel 9
David asked, “Is there anyone still left of the house of Saul to whom I can show kindness for Jonathan’s sake?” Now there was a servant of Saul’s household named Ziba. They summoned him to appear before David, and the king said to him, “Are you Ziba?” “At your service,” he replied. The king asked, “Is there no one still alive from the house of Saul to whom I can show God’s kindness?” Ziba answered the king, “There is still a son of Jonathan; he is lame in both feet.” “Where is he?” the king asked. Ziba answered, “He is at the house of Makir son of Ammiel in Lo Debar.” So King David had him brought from Lo Debar, from the house of Makir son of Ammiel. When Mephibosheth son of Jonathan, the son of Saul, came to David, he bowed down to pay him honor. David said, “Mephibosheth!” “At your service,” he replied. “Don’t be afraid,” David said to him, “for I will surely show you kindness for the sake of your father Jonathan. I will restore to you all the land that belonged to your grandfather Saul, and you will always eat at my table.” Mephibosheth bowed down and said, “What is your servant, that you should notice a dead dog like me?” Then the king summoned Ziba, Saul’s steward, and said to him, “I have given your master’s grandson everything that belonged to Saul and his family. You and your sons and your servants are to farm the land for him and bring in the crops, so that your master’s grandson may be provided for. And Mephibosheth, grandson of your master, will always eat at my table.” (Now Ziba had fifteen sons and twenty servants.) Then Ziba said to the king, “Your servant will do whatever my lord the king commands his servant to do.” So Mephibosheth ate at David’s table like one of the king’s sons. Mephibosheth had a young son named Mika, and all the members of Ziba’s household were servants of Mephibosheth. And Mephibosheth lived in Jerusalem, because he always ate at the king’s table; he was lame in both feet.
Characteristic of Friendship
* Love – In all previous scriptures you have read how David and Jonathan loved each other. You saw Jonathan’s love in his actions. And here we see David’s love for Jonathan even though he is gone as he shows love and kindness to the Jonathan’s son and family.
The friendship of David and Jonathan gives us a good foundation of characteristics to build a godly friendship on. We first need to grow these characteristics in ourselves and then look for others who demonstrate them too. As you develop friendships based on commitment, loyalty, truthfulness, defense, communication, honesty, selflessness, sacrifice, encouragement and love, remember that even if you only have one friend like this you are blessed. In each season of my own life, starting with middle school, God has given me a friend like this. And although I don’t live close to any of them right now the friendships are still the same. I know each of them will always be there for me because we each put God first and our friendship is built on these characteristics.
Praying the Lord brings the godly friendship you need in your life right now!
